I think im going to throw up on grandma
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
