Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize