I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
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I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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