Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
