I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
