She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
