you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
