He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
