we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
