that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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