He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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