i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
