I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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