This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
