It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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