The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
