Sry I called you an 8
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
