Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
