So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
