Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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