Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize