We're facebook friends in real life
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
