I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
