the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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