I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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