I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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