There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
