His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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