I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
