Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Let's paint friendship bongs
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
