If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
