I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
