Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
