Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
