the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
