Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
