I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
