The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
