my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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