and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
