You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
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Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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