Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
