Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
