Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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