Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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