oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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