I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
