real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
