It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
