so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
