why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Randomize
