On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize