i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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