i just wanna soil my oats bro
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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