i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
