I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
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Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
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It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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