i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
