while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....