Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.