May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
