I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me