Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*