I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
