So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
false alarm, still single
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
