Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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